Student Life Camp

Tonight Stacey and I went to visit the Olive Springs youth at Student Life Camp at Covenant College on Lookout Mountain.

Student Life has been a huge part of both my teenage and adult life. This year would have been my 12th year. That's right, I said would have. I didn't go. I didn't get asked. I don't even really work with student's anymore. But it was killing me. Watching them pack up and roll out Tuesday morning without me hurt my heart. So Stacey made a big sacrifice and we went up and spent the day. It was fun. It made me feel apart, even if just for a day.

Covenant is the first place I ever went to camp. It is kind of a sacred place to me for that reason. Even though it is old and really smelly, walking through the halls floods my mind with precious memories of my life with friends and God.

Our youth group is so different now. I don't know very many of the students. Most of the student's that I poured my life into have either moved on or lost interest. There are a few left, my precious Sunday School boys, who I love and adore, even though they have made my life difficult at times. So as I'm sitting there tonight looking at this strange crowd, it's a different group. These are no longer church kids. They are kids with hard lives, big issues and lots of problems. They are hard to get to know, they are different than me, so it's harder to relate to them. They seem to have no respect for anything including themselves. I don't know them. I don't like them. I don't feel the love that I have felt for my students for them. I'm confessing that. God loves them. He created them. I give up on them, and I've known them a day. He continually pursues them and me. They are just as worth the pursuit as I am. So this is where the sermon comes in....

The speaker is talking about Jonah 4 and how Jonah is mad because he doesn't think the Ninivities deserve grace and saving and that the reason for that is the Jonah loves himself more than he loves others. I'm still thinking about how this is true of me in comparison with these students. I like me. I love me. I like God to love me. How selfish. I've got it. I have the grace. I've been saved, not just from death but from the horrible life that many of them face. I feel grateful, that should spur me on to compassion, but yet like the pastor said tonight, instead of caring, we don't care. We don't even care enough to hate, we simply just don't care. We're apathetic. I'm apathetic. I know is calling me out of that, and like Jonah, I don't like it.

I love students. I love teaching them. God has gifted me to do this. I've tried to deny it. I've denied it for a whole year. But I can't deny who I am. So, I think I am going to have to swallow my pride and figure out some way to reconnect with student ministry. That is a huge risk for me. It could be costly. It could get ugly. It will require major humility. I truly don't know if I'm up for it. I could fail. I could get hurt again.

So, I don't know what this means. I guess I'm starting the journey of figuring it out. Somehow, someway my life is going to reconnect with students again.

Student Life....it's more than a camp. It's a cornerstone in my life. It reminds me of who I am, of where I've come from and once again it has helped to point me to where I am going.